~late night thought~

I realize no matter how hard I try it can't be change. I am what I am. I can never pretend how im not. Is 4:35 am and im still awake. Trying to sleep but I couldn't, so much on my mind that just keeping me up. Kinda feel like I need to really think about sommething, something personal I need to take care of, but hey, it don't seems like the other half of me wants to deal with it. I really think in a way no one really cares about how I feel, even though I want to let others know I just don't want to share it. Im just afraid to let others see me differently. The weak side of me. The side I been hiding from others, even myself in general. I never express how im feeling, when someone ask me how im feeling, I say find, but deep inside I want to scream I'm FUCKING DIEING INSIDE!!! But I never do it. Why? I really don't know myself.

I wish everything was like before, but how, I still question, how can one person chage everything. How is it possible. Others may know the answer but truly I don't really know.

Others say I give good advise but in ther other way around I don't apply to myself. Everything I say to others as advise could all be answer to my own problems but is funny that I can't listen to my own words. I get mad at myself for that. But ya...fuck it.