~Feeling Awkward~

Nothing trying the hold on to the past but it keep coming back. I keep telling myself to stop thinking about it but over time it keep coming back. Even on a non related area like during jury duty, the name comes up and it triggers the thoughts. Why is this, what are all these signs?

Feels like it was not meant to forget till everything is solve. But what is there to solve? Isn't everything all solved? Or am I still missing something.

I see what is see trying not to feel that awkwardness flowing inside me. I already know and im seeing it. Im accepting it but why do I feel awkward? Am I still stuck in the past? Why can't I forget it and move on? I shouldn't even be talkin about this but I feel like I need to talk it out. But how can I speak up? What do I say? Really need help but hey who can I ask? Who?

I don't even know if everything will go smoothly like nothing happen, I may seem like I don't care but deep inside I feel like screeming out loud saying do you know how im feel? Why aren't you talking it out with me? We are friends aren't we? Are you really trying to preten im cool about it? At less tell me plc! Don't like me see and accept even though I am accepting it all.