reminded of the bad moment and memories I can't or even see I can be the same anymore. I can't be friends the same way, because it just don't feel the same anymore. I want to talk and speak but everytime I attempt I feel like im not even present. I keep telling myself to not trip but how the hell can I not trip or be mad. Hanging out don't mean be there and stay silence while watch others talk and listen with out you talk. I try to join In the conversation but I don't know where to start and where to end. I always end up saying sumthing pointless and the conversation continue like I didn't say anything at all. What kind of bullshit is this. Is just don't feel the same anymore. Should I just forget it and seek a new rount of friendship and leave everything behind.
I probly don't know what I am talking about myself. Is not really me talk right now. The real me would not say anything that has to do with forgetting my friends and move on. But right now I feel like I need to. I feel much better not talking to them for a bit but when I don't talk to them I feel like I lost them. What kind of thoughts is this. I feel so selfish and greedy. Wanting both but don't want to lost at all. Right now I just feel hella mad at myself for getting mad at the smallest things. My anger had made me the person I hate most. I always ask myself am I like this. What happen to me, why have I change. Is it me that change or everyone else around me did. At home when im alone I want to scream out loud but my my parents are sleeping so I can't. I want to drive around to blow out the anger I have but low on gas. I want release stress but I am limited to what I can do. Even blogging I am force to use the sidekick cuz my computer is dead. Nothing goes right, really feeling like just taking something to forget all this right now. Is not fair...to me..
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