~Finally~

Well is been awhile since i blog on a computer. the past few blog i been typing on my sidekick...it was so hard haha. any who..

lately i been working only for two days the rest of the week i been either stay home or go out a lot.
going out is fun but after driving to places and end up going to the gas station made me think that i should stay home a bit more. is not that i dont want to go out but every time i look at the gas meter i get mad cuz the meter hand point near empty so fast after i refill it like a day ago. most of my money end up going for the gas and end up not having enough money to use on myself. i want to quit my job cuz im not making much money if i have to drive to work but only work for 3 and a half hour. it dont even cover much of the gas and is late shift also. maybe i should quit when school starts.

Well today is mooncake day =P. woke up around 12 from alan text message so i text him back half asleep laying on my warm messy bed. after i got out of my bed i decided to take a long hot shower to wake myself up. i was still thinking rather or not if i wanted to go out today, the sun is out and it looked like a beautiful day. my step mom called me after i got out the shower telling me to clean the house cuz we gonna have guess over and having a bbq for mooncake day. this tells me i have to get home early to get so i said to myself if i go out then i dont have to clean a lot. so i called alan and when out to the picnic thing. When d0wn the hill and pick up nancy. while driving alan was playing sum emo song...made me thing for a bit haha. when we got to the park there was no parking and i had to u turn twice to find sum where to park. we meet up with the others and i just stand and sat for a bit. then later played football and that tired me out for a bit. hang out for a bit longer before we left the park. driving home I felt like i had sumthing to say to sumone but i was a bit grumpy so i stay quiet. dropped off anh and when to dollar tree and then drove nancy home. by the time i got home it was about 7:30. invited alan to the bbq at my house ate then drove him home. i never get to bring guess over cuz my step mom would trip about it so i alway ask my dad. my dad is cool about it but my step mom alway got sumthing to say.

well Happy moon cake thingy day or what ever you called it.....

~Early~

Waking up early again seem harder then I thought. I had to snooze for about 4 times before I even get out of bed. Well yesterday seeing my cousin so depress remained myself how I was feeling earlier this summer. So yesterday my brother called me to go hangout with my cousin but at first I was not in the mood because I was mad and confuse about my financial aid in school. When I meet up with my cousin she looked so sad just sitting in her room. She worried me so I quickly took her out shopping. We then end up going to mall and I brought alan with me knowing he can cheer her up cuz is alan. I see her laugh a bit but she when back to her sad mood.

After the mall I plan to take her to the movies but she didn't want to watch anything when we got there. So we sat in the car thinking of places to do. Then we then planed to eat ice cream so we when to fenton. We ate a lot of ice cream and it was hella sweet. After we finish we when to berkeley to visit nancy. My cousin didn't want to go ho,e yet so we stayed a bit longer but alan need to be home so we left around 12. By 1 I drop of everyone and made it back home. It was a long day and I was tired. I kept texting my cousin to check up on her finding out she started crying again when she got home. Tried to cheer her up the best I can...what a day.

~huh and what~

reminded of the bad moment and memories I can't or even see I can be the same anymore. I can't be friends the same way, because it just don't feel the same anymore. I want to talk and speak but everytime I attempt I feel like im not even present. I keep telling myself to not trip but how the hell can I not trip or be mad. Hanging out don't mean be there and stay silence while watch others talk and listen with out you talk. I try to join In the conversation but I don't know where to start and where to end. I always end up saying sumthing pointless and the conversation continue like I didn't say anything at all. What kind of bullshit is this. Is just don't feel the same anymore. Should I just forget it and seek a new rount of friendship and leave everything behind.

I probly don't know what I am talking about myself. Is not really me talk right now. The real me would not say anything that has to do with forgetting my friends and move on. But right now I feel like I need to. I feel much better not talking to them for a bit but when I don't talk to them I feel like I lost them. What kind of thoughts is this. I feel so selfish and greedy. Wanting both but don't want to lost at all. Right now I just feel hella mad at myself for getting mad at the smallest things. My anger had made me the person I hate most. I always ask myself am I like this. What happen to me, why have I change. Is it me that change or everyone else around me did. At home when im alone I want to scream out loud but my my parents are sleeping so I can't. I want to drive around to blow out the anger I have but low on gas. I want release stress but I am limited to what I can do. Even blogging I am force to use the sidekick cuz my computer is dead. Nothing goes right, really feeling like just taking something to forget all this right now. Is not fair...to me..

~Hot~

Is extremly hot today. Woke up and didn't have any plans to I stayed home and watch most of the dvd I didn't watch yet. Later on I had a big headach so I tried to take a nap. Staying home on a hot day is boring and painful. Why painful? Well on a hot day it gets so hot you sweat and if you don't drink enough water you can get a fat headach. And the heat can keep you up also when you want to sleep.

Well staying home is boring when your computer don't work. I walk around my house for a bit, looking for food and things to drink. What really brighten up my day was finding ice cream in the freezer. You can't go wrong eatting ice cream. But is do make me feel super lazy, eatting ice cream on the couch watching chinese drama movies and shows. Hey, what else is there to at home? I might be watching other movies on my computer if it do work. My friend was suppose to call me but he never did. Guess he had other plans, *sigh* another day wasted at home. Might be doing the same think tomorrow cuz I don't have plans either. Is this how im going 2 spent the rest of my summer on a free day? I hope not, is depressing...

~Too Hot To Think~

Woke up from the heat again today. what made is worst was going to sleep at 6 am. is so hot today i really dont want to go to work. is going to boring like always. Now I really Regret it for taking the shift. tried to work on my Finanail aid, not going smoothly like i wish it would. have to go to school again to change my class and my finanical problems. thinking about school really stress me out again. come to thing of it, there this book i still have to finish that one book. is a great book but never really had the time to finish reading it. (naww i just been lazy). I kinda forgot about it for a bit too. Hope i still remeber what i had read. well blog later

~Renewed~

I woke up today feeling different. Feels like all the stress and pain had left me and I feel refreshing. Kinda feel like a different person. I got up and looked at the mirror and just stare at my reflection but I don't see my old self. I see a different me. I don't know why I feel this way, maybe I had a dream that lifted all my bad memories away all at once and now I feel like I reborned. It sound stupid but to me it feels great. I no longer think about the past, just looking forward. I am planing to get to work by 12:45 so imma get up and eat. Kinda feel like talking to someone right now but there's no one here. I don't want to call any one either or text. I guess writting all this out helps. I can pretend I am talking to someone and spread my thoughts out. In the past I feel discourge, unwanted and left out. But the real thing is I brought it apon myself. It was my lack of judgement and my stupid senc of humor that turned on me. I didn't realize it until now. So from now on I am going to change. Im going to keep my thoughts to myself. My own opinion and my stupid humor to myself and myself only. All this had brought me nothing but trouble in the past month. So imma change. On the other hand I feel like im been too nice. I need to start to say no and reject. I can't really be a nice guy all the time. I need to thing for myself. Is not always selfish doing that. Maybe because I always feel bad, and it remain me of myself back then asking for others for help. Is true, what you done in the past made you who you are and I am the perfect example. I need to losses up and be that different person I really need to be.

~Another day, Another dollar~

Wow, working is boring, and it drains the energy out of you. I was suppose to hav friday of but my co worker ask me to cover her, like an idiot I said yes. I could have gotten a 5 day off but I had to say yes~.~ how retarded of me. But I guess is money. My manger made a joke about me. Called me a baller because I have two phone. My calling phone and my sidekick. He said I don't need this job im balling already. What can I say, fired me? Haha.

Well coming back from LA was a life drainer. I had to drive part of the way and make it back just in time for work. It was crazy to work after driving for 4 hours. I look dead at work.

Now come to think of it summer is coming to an end. Everyone starting college. Im still thinking if im goin 2 keep my job. Don't know if I can mange that. I do need spending money and stuff. Just don't want to be all stress out. O ya, while I was down at LA I bought this four leaf clover thing. Looks cool and when I was buying it my mom though I was gettin it for my girlfriend. It was funny because I don't have one. And later on the week my mom gave me advice haha. She said is ok to have closefriend relationship but not to get too deep. There are plenty of time in my life to find the perfect one. In my mind I was thinking in the wrong way, is she telling me is ok to be a playboy and flirt ans date hella girls and not get in a deep relationship? But I understand what she meant haha. But is funny hearing this form your own mother. I love her. ^^